I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
