No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
