I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
