How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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