Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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