please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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