his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
