If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
