I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This house was built for laser tag.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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