Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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