After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
