dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I will be naked everywhere
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
