I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
