AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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