I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize