I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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