This is not my ceiling
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
