i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
