There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize