First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
