I wish I could teleport
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
