You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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