Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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