I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
