The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
