Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
