Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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