You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
