I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize