you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
