Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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