Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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