i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
