A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
