i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
