i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
