ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
