that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
