Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish there were birth control emojis
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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