I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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