Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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