My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
40s are totally the cure
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its liver damage thursday
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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