Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
