I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
