I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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