I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
