Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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