Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
