and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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