I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
