There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
