I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
