The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
two words: eviction party
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
