The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
