Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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