u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
