i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
