I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
COCAINE IS GR8
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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