Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
