All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
