Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
