I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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