So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
