i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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