So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
