I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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