dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
