The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
