i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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