That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
