So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
