At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
