piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
