I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
