I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
