really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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