Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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