Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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