I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
