No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
