my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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