woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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