Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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