I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
