he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
