We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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