when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
