I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
