I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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