I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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