i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
