You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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