awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
