My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
