quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In other news, I just burned my penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
