I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize