I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
