She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
