Don't make out with my wife yet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
