it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
