he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
