His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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