either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just threw up on my dentist
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
