i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Found the puke drawer
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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