so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
