my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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